Loneliness vs Aloneness: A modern love-hate story of dating in Quebec

By Anthony Patstone

The dating world.

The dating world is a world of pain with very few joys for most people. But why do we do it? Because we all dream of romance and, dare I say it, a sex life.

That being said, making an emotional connection with someone is probably the most important facet of happiness. And I say this purely from personal experience or experiences shared by friends and family. But emotional connections can take on many forms, even if it happens on a platonic level.

Indeed, emotional connections can occur within family relationships, friendships, romantic relationships of course, but they can also occur with someone we met once on a train, for example. Which brings me to the two true dualities of man: loneliness and aloneness. What does each word mean? And how do they affect our lives differently?

In the case of ‘what does each word mean’ I don’t consider a dictionary definition the proper way to define those words. The real way to define those words is to understand how they feel on an emotional level.

The first word to define is loneliness. Much has been said about loneliness from an academic perspective but little has been said about how it feels. And believe or not I think we have to experience a deep sense of loneliness at least once in our lives to appreciate and know what love means to us personally.

Unlike depression, although one can lead to the other, loneliness is not a chemical imbalance or long-term issue. Loneliness usually lasts a short period of time but can be profoundly painful. And unlike depression, loneliness does not cause collateral damage like lacking energy, or losing interest in the things you love.

The second word to define is aloneness. My definition of this word means that you experience a general well-being by being alone. But for that to occur you must have deep emotional connections and sadly the depth of these emotional connections depends greatly on each person’s psyche.

Thus there is a fragile correlation between aloneless and loneliness. But the fact remains some people can be ultimately happy by being alone if they have deep enough emotional connections.

So how do these dualities affect us differently? Well, one leads to unhappiness while the other sustains happiness. And again, the degree of that happy or unhappy feeling depends very much on each person’s temperament, character, or mental health.

The issue of mental health is an issue I think we must address but that will be for another article.

Mental health exists and I’m glad to see more attention paid to it. But again, I will deal with that subject more profoundly another time.

For now, enjoy life, and make every emotional connection matter so that it may deepen your sense of happiness.

As far as the dating world is concerned I have no advice or philosophy to offer as it remains a world of mystery and insecurity that seems to have been put on this earth to inflict pain and make us better understand ourselves.

No matter how you look for love, remember who raised you and who are your real friends.